Today marks 6 months since my hysterectomy. I can't believe how quickly that time has gone by!
The answer to the above question is YES. It was definitely worth it.
Whilst there are definitely some cons to having the operation, the pros & what comes with them far outweigh the cons.
Let's start with the cons & get the negatives out of the way first!
Weight gain - which is also not shifting using previous tried & tested methods
Subconscious still expecting pain to return each month
Fatigue - more tired than normal (but this is subsiding)
Sex drive still absent
No chance for a baby, ever
Pros
No periods, EVER AGAIN!
No pain
Cycle symptoms less intense (PMS significantly lowered)
No purchasing of sanitary items
No impact to my job now I’m not needing to take 1-2 days off per month
Future planning more clear
Life does go on & there are new goals to achieve
Once I started PT training after the 6 week mark I did experience a little bit of spotting & what I thought was cramping. I contacted Dr Sunny & he wanted to see me. So in early August I had my appointment and after an examination he confirmed there was nothing to be concerned about. It could have been some scar tissue adjusting after commencing training again, or just something little which caused it. He also made the comment that there is nothing there to cramp! Must have been my muscles readjusting.
The emotional turmoil of it all is also subsiding. I don't feel like I'm on a rollercoaster as much anymore, more like a steady train ride that occasionally takes a sharp turn. There have been a few pregnancy announcements during this time which still twists that knife in the heart that little bit more, however it certainly doesn't take away from the happiness I feel for those sharing their good news.
I got home to Tassie in July which was my first time back in 3 years to Hobart & 4 years on the NW Coast & back to Sisters Beach where I grew up. Due to COVID-19 our original family trip got cancelled & I instead went on my own. This was something Billy encouraged me to do, seeing how much I was missing "home" and my friends there. Being back at Sisters Beach was amazing and so needed for my healing from all of this. One of the mornings I did a walk on my own along the beach. I processed the fact that I would never bring my babies to Sisters and have them experience what I did as a child growing up. This was I think the closure that was required for me to move forward with a rested heart.
I had a moment at my step-daughters recent performance for their school choir. I had met with my psychologist that morning to discuss some fears and doubts I was having about a number of things so I was already emotional. We then arrived at Crown and all around me were families with their kids, grandparents etc, school Mum's sharing their laughs & wines out of the plastic cups, and it really hit home that I will never have that. Yes I will always attend & support as a step-Mum but won't form that friendship group with school Mum's (one of the things I was really looking forward to having a child of my own was making new friends through that mother's group/school connection as it has been pretty lonely during my time in Perth).
The lights dimmed, the first performer came out & the tears started rolling down my cheeks. Luckily we only had to wait 4 performances in to see my step-daughter perform and then I had to leave. I sat out the rest of the performance in the lobby until Billy joined me and we got cake & hot chocolate to pass the time and talk about how I was feeling.
It's been interesting to note the different events or circumstances that trigger me. They won’t ever go either - they'll just get easier to handle as time goes on.
Moving on, my biggest focus at the moment is on my health & fitness. What previously worked for me and helped me drop kgs. quickly is no longer doing the trick. So I'm going to be trying a few new things including an 8 week gym challenge to have something to work towards, and also a 10 week learn to run 5km program. I know my weight doesn't define me but I got to a point mid 2020 where I was feeling the best I had in a really long time and I just want to get back to that (plus also comfortably wear all the nice clothes I bought!)
I know that some don't have such a positive experience from a hysterectomy and I feel for those women, I honestly do. When you make such a huge decision to get this procedure done and then question that decision due to the physical & mental impacts it has had post surgery, it would be so difficult to process.
As to what's next, who knows! I do really enjoy sharing this blog and it is so healing to be able to write things down and process what is happening. Thank you for reading & thank you for the kind words & feedback on my story to date xx
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