I took myself out for a drink & bite to eat today. All around me are friends chatting about their kids & winter sports plans, sipping on a wine & enjoying some down time in between the grocery shopping. Then the extended family who are out for a birthday lunch, the mates sharing a pint & watching the footy, the girlfriends catching up about life & their celebrations & challenges, and also the grandparents taking the grandkids out for lunch to no doubt give their parents a break.
Whilst I’ve always enjoyed my own company, it’s visions like these that remind me only too quickly about how lonely I am here.
Yes I have friends, and they are lovely. But they have their own lives & friendship groups so it becomes most of the time, if we’re lucky, a fun quarterly catch up. But you don’t want to be that person that people feel like they have to fit you into their schedule, even though they would never perceive it that way.
Here I haven’t found my tribe, I haven’t found my people. The ride or die friends, the ones you can call up on a Sunday arvo on a whim and say let’s meet up for a wine. The ones who will check in often as to how you’re going, feeling, coping or not coping. The ones to while away an afternoon at the shops with, go for a walk with, do girls weekends with, eat cake & drink coffee with, cry with, laugh til you cry with, the ones who tell you everything’s going to be ok.
Loneliness is a horrible feeling. How at 45 though do you meet new people? Genuine new people you want to spend more time with? I have no kids to aid in school parent connections, I don’t play team sports so that rules that out, I have met a few lovely women through the Run with Turia program, but again they have their own lives & are long term Perth residents. Maybe there are social groups here for childless, mid-40’s, interstate/international women - best get googling.
So for now I’ll go back to my solo time, enjoy my glass of bubbles & look back fondly on time spent with my tribe who are scattered around the country.
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