I have diarised the last 2 & a half weeks since my hysterectomy. It was a good way to reflect on what was happening & how my body reacted & recovered.
23.3.21 (9 days before)
I had a moment today.
Driving home from work listening to a podcast about a woman who had a child on her own. It was a good podcast with nothing triggering until she mentioned a group she went to that had women with babies, some who were in the process of doing IVF & others who were investigating the process of sperm donors.
The comment she made that got me was this: “Those women who go through IVF are incredible, it is a harrowing experience.”
And it is harrowing. It changes you, forever. People who’ve never had a struggle falling pregnant will never understand it.
I am in the grieving process big time. Grieving the loss of a child I will never have. Heart wrenching pain & sorrow at what this surgery will mean.
Night before the op
I’ve generally been feeling good heading into this week of the op. I have had a few moments of hesitation, doubt etc but generally feeling ok.
Saw a dear little baby in Target just laying in her pram with her big eyes looking up at her Mumma. This brought tears to my eyes. But then later had my usual daily painful cramps which jolted me back into reaffirming why I was doing this.
I’ve got my Mum here which is nice & will be good to have her here for support & some “normality” to all this.
Have received some lovely gifts & messages already from family sending me their thoughts, wishing me well & a speedy recovery.
Admission time is 12pm so I’ll still walk Daisy in the morning, have a decent breakfast & my coffee before fasting until admission time. I’ve been told one night, if not two in hospital. I joined a group on Facebook called “Hysterectomy Sisters Australia” which has been a godsend. Lots of recommendations on what to take to hospital to assist with boredom, bowel movements & comfort. I’ll share my own list once I get home!
So I’m hoping for a decent nights sleep and a chill morning leading up to heading off. I think Daisy suspects something is happening - she’s been very smoochy with me & staying close by. Dogs have intuition like that sometimes.
Admission & Operation
After an early morning walk with Daisy, some breakfast then hanging around waiting for a few hours at home, we headed off to hospital. I got admitted at 12pm went through the motions & was told I was on the schedule for 2:30pm. So I settled in did some puzzles in That’s Life & just relaxed.
2:30pm came & went & eventually it was 3:30pm when an orderly came to get me.
I answered the same questions all over again & then hung out in the theatre holding bay for around 15 mins. Chatted with my specialist Dr Sunny, & the anesthetist, Mike. I had a few tears waiting there, just with the enormity of it all, but also acknowledging I would soon be pain free.
I shuffled on to the bed, had the lines put in, happy gas on & after all that I can’t actually remember going to sleep, dammit!
I came to in recovery around 6pm but it took me a good hour or so to wake enough. The anesthetist told me he would give me pain relief whilst I was under but a side effect of that is sleepiness & taking a bit longer to come around. I was in a bit of pain too so had some top up there before coming back to the ward around 7:30pm.
The lovely nurse helped me to get settled, freshened up a bit with some wipes & got me some sandwiches. I had a catheter in which I’ve never had before so that was interesting! Leg balloon inflators on & drip in for fluids so I wasn’t moving anywhere! Another pain relief tablet & heat pack on my tummy & the dozing began.
I don’t think I slept more than 2 hours at a time all night. It was warm, the balloons inflated & deflated all night & I woke up needing strong pain relief at some stage.
I woke at 4:30am Friday morning. Watched a couple of episodes of a show on my phone & waited until the nurse came in to get my coffee order.
Dr Sunny came at round 9am. He said it all went well, nothing untoward happened & I can go home in the afternoon. I’ll see him again in May for my 6 week check up.
Billy & Mum came by to visit but not knowing times or what was happening they headed off again. I had a quick shower to rinse off & change then dozed, as that in itself was a task!
24 Hours After (back home)
Feeling:
Tired
Sore
Stiff
Uncomfortable
Bloated
Lots of gas!
Haven’t done number two’s yet but took a laxative tablet to assist when that happens
Only small sparks of shoulder tip pain
Very very minimal spotting
Pleased I have some melatonin left to get a good nights sleep tonight
3 days post op (dpo)
Oh god what I have done? There is absolutely no chance now of me becoming a Mum. I have made sure of that.
My tummy hurts, my heart hurts & what will I get out of this? Hopefully a feeling of no/minimal pain otherwise what has this all been for?
You can’t mourn something you never had, so “they” say, but who are “they”? They are people who have or are getting what they want - they don’t know anything.
5dpo
I am heartbroken
I am so sad
I am childless
The pain & heartache hit me hard tonight. The raw realisation of what has now happened. All the effort, money, needles, procedures, hormones, mental health impact over the last 3 years. To now end it with this result, that can’t be undone. FOREVER changed, physically & mentally.
9dpo
Now I’ve ditched the anti inflammatories I feel good. My tummy is no longer upset & I don’t have any nausea.
I have walked every day since Monday, starting with 35mins and have progressed up to 50mins as of yesterday. Still doing it slowly though, the speed will come, in time.
Went out for lunch yesterday too, felt good to get my face on again & wear something other than loungewear!
Mum heads home on Tuesday morning so we’re taking her out for dinner tonight to say thanks for coming over to help out. Billy is back to work on Monday too then it’ll be me on my own. I’ll start doing some work from home next week to catch up & get through what I can before returning to the office the week after.
I feel for the other women whose recovery hasn’t been as good as mine. I’m so grateful I feel as good as I do, knowing full well there’s still a lot of healing to be done internally, but overall it’s good to be feeling this well at this stage of the recovery.
Day 10
Yesterday (Saturday) was a big day. Walk with Mum in the morning, a couple of hours at the shops including lunch, then out for dinner last night. First day I’d hit 10,000 steps too since day before surgery.
Today I woke up a bit later after a sleep in & lay in bed with the rain falling outside. Around midday there was finally a reprieve in the rain & I got out for a walk. First 5km walk since day of my surgery & it felt good. A little slower than my usual pace but that’s so okay.
I’ve had a couple of pinches in my right incision under the skin today when I’ve gone to get up. Not sure if I’ve stitches internally underneath the lap incisions. I don’t know anything about how it all went!
I’m just feeling so grateful that I am recovering as well as I have been. 3pm & I’ve taken no pain relief today so far - not being tough just don’t want to take it for the sake of it from now on 😊
Day 11
Bleeding - bright red & a clot
Some cramping during the day - heat pack, panadol & ibuprofen
A bit concerned by it all. Have sent an email to my doctor’s rooms to advise what has occurred & if I should be getting it seen to
Day 12
Morning after the bleeding there was no more, thank goodness. I still had cramping but also felt like I had a tampon in. I was concerned of a prolapse (even though I’d not done any straining or reasons for this to occur). We decided to be precautionary & head to the emergency department. Whilst on our way there, the receptionist phoned back on behalf of my doctor (he was on leave) & she advised that everything I’d experienced was normal & no cause for alarm (unless anything got worse).
Two Weeks!
Apart from the setbacks of this week with my body forcing me to rest, the 2 weeks has gone quick!
Can’t believe it’s been 2 weeks since that big day & a significant change for my body & my future.
It was nice to get out for a walk, and finally take Daisy on my own. Slowly though & ensuring she’s not pulling or jerking on the lead.
I can drive too - woo hoo! Not that I’ve anywhere to go really but it’s nice to know I can if I need to.
I did some work yesterday & will finish the week off from home. The next week or two I still may need to adjust with some extra days working from home, depending on my energy levels.
So far so good with my decision to have this procedure. I’m hoping the recovery continues to go as smoothly as it has done so far & I can continue to regain my strength & fitness as it was prior, if not, better!
Some of the beautiful flowers & gifts I received ❤️
Going back to reality
Tomorrow, Monday 19th April, I’ll be heading back into the office. I did some work from home last week but certainly noticed the fatigue mid afternoon. I’ll be easing back into it with possibly shorter days for the first week - will see how I go.
I said to hubby last week that I wanted us to have a ceremony this weekend to put some kind of closure on the last 3 years & our “Never Child”. It is our first weekend alone since my op so thought it was the ideal time. We talked about what we would do & came up with a couple of suggestions but nothing concrete. So we’re going to postpone, not for too long, until we have a format as such to go with.
I’ve booked in to see my physio on Tuesday to discuss what I should be working on now & whether a specific pelvic physio will be required or not.
So after 2.5 weeks I still don’t feel back to my normal self. I’m tiring easily, I think this weekend I’ve been ovulating so have experienced some more noticeable cramping, and my hormones still feel a little out of whack.
For now I’ll close off this post & put together another update for the 4 week mark (we’ve 2 weddings to attend between now & then so wish me luck!)
If you or anyone you know is experiencing any of what I have and would like to ask more questions please reach out via socials or email bellhutch@yahoo.com.au
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